Here's an insight about men that's fascinating and strange and that, once you understand it, is going to stop a lot of the pain and frustration you experience with dating and relationships.
Do You Know How it Feels To Have Him Desperately Crave You? Imagine attracting a man emotionally and intellectually in a way that makes him unable to resist wanting to be around you. Not only that, but imagine no more excuses. No more "I'm too busy" or "I have to work through some issues." The only thing he'll know is his desire to be with you.
You can literally have a man who wasn't totally "feeling it" for you suddenly take notice and recognize the things inside you he simply didn't see before.
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When a man gets truly close to a woman and deeply intimate for any extended period of time, he loves that feeling and wants more of it. But the strange part of this is that the moment a man experiences this period of intense closeness, he will take some space for himself.
I know this sounds counter-intuitive, but it's how most men work emotionally. Most men will actually seek some amount of space to "recover." It's kind of like how after a muscle gets worked out it needs to rest before it can grow stronger and be active again.
Men can become distant even in good relationships, and if you know what to do, you can keep your guy physically and emotionally engaged... even when he needs time to recover.
And there's another reason why a man might withdraw that has nothing whatsoever to do with you: He's not living his "purpose".
The Importance Of Purpose For A Man
It's important for a man to be clear about what he's doing in his own life and what his purpose is.
A man's purpose can be anything from something straightforward like excelling at work or building his own company, to something more creative like starting and working at a do-it-yourself project at home or training at his favorite sport.
The point is that a man has some goals and is engaged and focused on doing something and doing it well.
A man's purpose is essential to his overall emotional and social well-being. But often times, even men themselves aren't clear on what their purpose is, or don't really go after their purpose and assert themselves.
How His Purpose (Or Lack Of) Can Affect You
When a man isn't going after his own purpose, or has fallen away from it or forgotten about it, it often gets in the way of the relationship he's in. Men become withdrawn, restless, irritated and seem generally unengaged in life as a whole.
They stop initiating plans. They stop spending as much time with people, even their own friends. They shut the world out. And of course, they become emotionally withdrawn and distant as well.
Too often men aren't conscious that this is what's happening to them, and they end up pulling away from their relationship and making things even worse for themselves. This is when they often seem to go in and out of being present and engaged in the relationship, and then completely withdrawn.
They slide between the two largely because of the way that they're feeling about themselves or how things are going for them in the world as it relates to their purpose. And often women take on the problems the man is going through and try and help, or even mistake his behavior to mean something about his feelings about them or the relationship.
So, now that you know that a man's withdrawing is not automatically your fault, what can you do about it?
What Doesn't Work With A Man
There are certain behaviors and approaches women often take when their man starts withdrawing, and they usually work against you. Let's get those out of the way so you know what NOT to do...
Approach #1: Convincing Him
When you're with a man who is feeling or acting uncertain with you, trying to convince him otherwise puts you in a very dangerous and weak position for your relationship, even if you give him an ultimatum that would move things ahead to the place in your relationship that you want.
Why? Because he's not really making that decision based on what he wants or feels.
What you really want and need is a man who is truly committed to being with you on a physical, mental, emotional, and even spiritual level. Not coerced, not forced, not convinced.
Approach #2: Over Sharing Your Feelings
If you're like most women, then you think sharing your feelings with a man first, and often, will somehow get him to share his feelings in return.
But this isn't how it works for a man. You can share your feelings with a man, but to expect that this will encourage him to do the same with you will only lead you to unnecessary frustration, especially if a man is already acting withdrawn.
When a man acts withdrawn, that's a signal that he is undergoing his own emotional process and needs time to recharge. Once he's ready to share his feelings, he'll be back. But trying to stimulate him to do so by becoming overly emotional won't work.
Approach #3: Setting Unrealistic Expectations
Women tend to think that if things are going well with a guy, that he will naturally want to move things forward to the next level. They'll just assume this even when the guy has never talked about the future.
So you know what happens next. Things will be coasting along, and suddenly the guy will change gears, she'll find out he's dating other women, or he doesn't make plans with her every weekend, and she's left wondering what the heck happened.
The answer is that the woman created all these expectations about what the relationship was supposed to look like and how he was supposed to behave, and when he fell short of that, she became disappointed and unfulfilled. This usually winds up in a confrontation that causes tension and maybe even creates more distance.
The flip side of this is that a woman will try to pretend she's okay with just a casual relationship, gets closer to him thinking he'll "come around," and then become disappointed when he doesn't.
Approach #4: Having "The Talk"
As an independent, thinking woman who is used to getting out there and getting what she wants in her career and the rest of her life, it might seem like laying your cards on the table and having a talk with a man about "where the relationship is going" is the sensible, adult way to move things forward.
You might think that if you give him all your reasons for why you two are perfect for each other, like you'd do in a job interview, it will make him open his eyes and realize he'd be a fool to have things any other way.
But think about this: Do men truly commit and choose to love and become loyal, caring, affectionate, etc. just because a woman asks them?
No. A man needs to have his own reasons for being and feeling this way, and this happens when he feels a deep emotional attraction for you.
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